Valentine’s Day 2019: A Reflection on Love

Valentine’s Day has become another commercialized holiday. In other words, it provides more opportunities for retailers, restaurants and other businesses to sell more products and services. I'm not saying this is wrong.

Really, it's not all bad. Giving and receiving gifts can be pleasurable activities. According to Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, the giving of gifts is an expression of love. For some people, it's a very important demonstration of their expression of love and of receiving love. But... let me say but...if the gift is something inappropriate or seems to be a demonstration that the giver doesn’t know or appreciate the receiver's likes or interests, it can cause problems.

This romantic holiday may also put the pressure on those who are not quite a couple or those who are splitting up. I remember having a particularly painful Valentine’s Day while my current relationship at that time was literally dissolving. I won’t go into the details but I shed a lot of tears while feeling sad, angry, disappointed, resentful and even a bit jealous. Looking back in retrospect, I’ve come to realize that it was better for me to be out of a relationship where I was not truly loved, appreciated, accepted and was consistently disappointed.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, know that you are loved. Real love is eternal and is ever there even when people can’t be together in this physical reality. If you have a spiritual path or practice, it can become natural for you to know that you are love.

As I know that I am LOVE in the experience of loving and being loved, I am taking better care of myself, have healthy, loving relationships and live a happy life.

Happiness is a choice. It starts with the self desiring happiness and knowing that it is a state of being. It’s not about putting off happiness by saying “I’ll be happy when I have the perfect home, job, partner, body, etc. It's about counting current blessings, that is, being aware of all the Good one already has and then being Grateful for all of it. True happiness is a state of being and a way of life.

I am constantly reminded that: "Happiness is a Choice." I even wear a bracelet with this quote on it!

Some people make a regular practice of journaling or reflecting with this habit.

Here's a little exercise to try....

Right now, as you're reading this, you can try this little exercise below.

Just take a minute or two to reflect on this question:
"What are you grateful for?"

When you have at least three things for which you can be grateful , close you eyes.

Focus on your heart ( you could also put a hand on it), feeling the loving gratitude for the good you already have.

Just sit in that feeling of being in loving gratitude for a couple of minutes.

Now open your eyes. Take a note of how you're feeling.

If you're feeling better about your life or maybe even a bit happy, you might want to do this regularly to support living your happy life!

*BTW, if you have the time, you can think of more than 3 things to be grateful for.

Which brings me back to Valentine’s Day. If you are in a relationship, be grateful for it and appreciate it. If you’re single, appreciate all the past and current relationships you have (even if they’re not romantic). You can also be grateful for the relationships to come! Big love is beyond romance and doesn’t care how attractive you are or aren’t whether it’s in any of these states of being— physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc.

Whoever you are, reading this right now—regardless of who you are, what you’ve done and where you’ve been, know that YOU ARE LOVED!


Here’s a little artwork inspired by this special day of love:

Sociology of Children

Sociology of Children--Final Words on What I Learned

As I write this blogpost, I'm sharing what I learned in an undergrad course called The Sociology of Children.

       First off -what is childhood? The whole idea of childhood has been somewhat romanticized. In the past children were considered little adults. People often had many children and often they didn't live past infancy. Children usually worked or contributed to the household income in some way. The norm in developed countries is that they add to the household expenses and don't contribute to the household income. But if they are creative or in the entertainment industry, they might be earning some income. I recently saw some young kids busking at Seattle's Folklife Festival and they were certainly earning some cash and contributing to their household income.

 Kids busking at Seattle Folklife Festival. Creative kids find a way to generate a bit of cash!

 Kids are everywhere!

Sometimes kids sleep wherever or whenever they can.

      In more recent times, scientific studies have shown that the brain of a child is not like the brain of an adult. In fact, the brain develops and isn't really fully developed until a person is in their 20's. In fact, one of the reasons that babies sleep so much is because their brains are developing a lot. It's also a reason why teens might need more sleep too! Here's a link on brain architecture. I found it interesting that toxic stress affects brain development.


   The last part of the brain that develops is the frontal lobe region where logic, planning and other higher cognitive functions take place. It explains why insurance companies want to charge more for young drivers, especially males (don't want sound sexist but the boys tend to take more risks when driving). I personally know of an 18-year-old boy who recently got a big ticket for speeding and being on his cell-phone.

     According to UNCRC,  which advocates for children' rights, a child is considered someone under the age of 18 but is a young person older than that fully grown? I think it's quite possible that some kids are mature well before being 18 while others take a bit longer.

     The idea that children should have rights is, in my opinion, an important one. Unfortunately, there are many that would disagree. Children can't vote and the can't lobby like corporations or groups with  power and money. That's why it's so important to have groups that advocate for children, at least to ensure that they have adequate nutrition, educations and safety.

     Children are influenced by their parents, peers, teachers, media and many others but they also have influence on others. One of the biggest influences I've heard of are children who decide to go vegetarian and thereby influence the rest of their family to lean that way too in their dietary choices. There are some studies that show that children do influence their family's decision-making. Here's one online.

     I found it particularly interesting to learn what makes kids popular. It's not always being socially competent. Sometimes it's being rebellious or what I call being a "wisenheimer" or "shit-disturber." Those are the kids that challenge authority or cause trouble in class. Or maybe they just behave in a contrary way. It was very helpful to learn that because I've experienced it with some teens I know. Now I realize why they behave that way and I'm less apt to take it personally.

     Kids need to be physically active. Sometimes that includes doing things that are a bit more risky. Being active helps their bodies to develop and get stronger. Too many kids don't get to be active and spend time outdoors. This puts them at risk for having all kinds of health issues as adults.

Kid skateboarding at a skate park.

Childhood can be compared to a Ferris Wheel. It can look all exciting, beautiful and romantic but closer looks show us how complicated and scary it can also be!

Great Wheel of Seattle at Night!

     This course made me realize that my own childhood wasn't the best but an important part of becoming an adult is knowing that parents/caregivers do the best they can. If we want our kids to grow up to be healthy, capable adults, it's very, very important that parents/caregivers have access to the education and resources which will help them be capable in the important job of raising the next generation.

For some kids, childhood can be a lonely time.

As an adult who wants to be healthier in all aspects, I need to be my own best "parent," friend and advocate for myself. After all kids learn best from those who model for them not those who just tell them what to do. Children also learn what they live. I really love this poem called Children Learn What They Live.

One of the issues that came up in our class was the issue of bullying which starts in childhood but continues in adulthood too. Now technology enables people to engage in cyberbullying. Monika Lewinsky gave a Ted Talk about how she was shamed online and what she experienced was a form of cyberbullying.
Here's her video.
As an afterthought, here's a quote I discovered which is related to social media and which I think could stimulate discussion.

Electric Buses on Public Transit --Testing in King County

I've always had an interest in environmental-related topics.

Public transit when it works efficiently is a more 'green' way of moving more people. Much more than single-occupant vehicles.

Very recently I was pleased to see that electric buses are being tested on King County Metro in the Seattle area.

The buses have a range of about 40 miles and they charge up their electric batteries for about 10 minutes while parked at their terminal point.

The Big Advantages to running electric buses? They're quieter and cleaner! I imagine that they also don't require the same amount of maintenance that gas/diesel engines require.

I met the two engineers Keyur Shah & Kevin Ertel who work with ProTerra, a company based in Greenville, SC which has been developing with technology. Eastgate Park and Ride is one of terminal locations for testing these new electric buses!

Keyur Shah & Kevin Ertel, engineers with Electric Bus

House Rules Book Review

I don't really have a lot of time to read novels but when I picked up this book and started reading it, I had a lot of trouble putting it down. Jodi Picoult has a unique style of getting into the minds of her characters and using their thoughts and perceptions to tell her stories.

Emma Hunt is a single mother struggling to raise her two sons, Jacob and Theo. Jacob, the oldest has Asperger's Syndrome while his younger brother Theo is a 'normal' boy, well, as normal as a teenage boy might be expected to be when much of his mother's energy and attention is on his Aspie sibling.

Jacob, like many Aspies, has an area of specialty which fascinates him and about which he's well-informed. It's CSI and whenever possible he visits local crime scenes and tries to participate in the investigations. He has a favorite TV show which he must watch every day when it airs. He hates the color orange and has a number of other quirks and preferences.

He also quotes lines from movies. Below are a few of them:

"What we got here is failure to communicate."---Jacob quotes from Cool Hand Luke

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."---Jacob quotes from the movie Love Story

"Hasta la vista, baby."---Jacob quotes from the movie The Terminator.

Life in the Hunt household is quite complicated with Jacob's quirks and special needs. Their lives get even more challenging when Jacob is charged with murdering Jess, his social skills tutor.

This is a fascinating novel that offers the reader the opportunity to learn the challenges of a teenage boy with Asperger's Syndrome and the challenges of his family and those he encounters in his life. It illustrates with words the world of someone with Asperger's. I found it quite educational and insightful.

For those interested in seeing films about Autism or Asperger's Syndrome (which is a high-functioning form of Autism), check out my blogposts with reviews of The Horse Boy and Clay Marzo Just Add Water and My Name is Khan.

Love and Hurting, How to Love Each Other More...

Love, Hurting, How to Love each other more...

This little sign is in Latin: 

It translates into English: "Love conquers all."

I'm a great believer in messages. I have been seeing and hearing all kinds of messages about love in many places and from many sources. I found this little sign at a thrift store and I've hung in my meditation space.

I recently met a young woman who had chosen to emblazon "Love Conquers All " on her skin. I asked her if I could take a photo and here it is!

Unfortunately, I don't have a photo of this but I saw a woman with "Love Hurts" tattooed on her arm. I really had to stop and consider that. If one believes this then the likelihood they would experience love hurting is probably highly likely and happens regularly. I mean, if you love someone and it hurts, it's probably because the person you are loving,  doesn't love you too.

What I've learned most recently is that for a couple in love to have a successful relationship, they have to learn how to speak each other's love language.

The question is: What is each other's love language? What does that mean?

It means that everyone receives & gives love in different ways. By giving and receiving love to each other in those ways most suitable to each other, you help keep each other's "love tank" filled.

Gary Chapman talks about it in his book The Five Love Languages.
According to him, there are 5 different ways that one can show/receive love.

They are:

1-Acts of Service: this means doing something for the other person and it needs to be things they appreciate. It could range from putting gas in the car, taking out the trash, etc.

2-Giving gifts. It can't be just anything. It has to be something they like or have wanted or that you put some thought into finding the gift for them. It's not about the cost. If you give someone something that they hate or what you gave them demonstrates that you didn't really think about them and what they like, then it's not an effective way to show your love. So giving the wrong gift can backfire.

3-Quality Time. This means actually being with the other person. Not just on the commercial breaks or half-time of the football game!It must be real quality time spent with the other.

4-Physical Touch. this might mean sex but it could also be just simply regularly touching, hugging, kissing the other with sincere affection.

5-Words of Affirmation. This could be from telling someone you appreciate them, love them or what a great job they did on a task. It must be sincere and relevant.

If you want more information and to discover what your love language is,
visit his website and do the little survey. 

While on the topic of love and loving, here's a quote that really struck me quite recently:

"The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you love someone,you will presently come to love him (or her!). If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him (or her!) more. If you do him (or her!) a good turn, you will find your disliking him (or her!) less.
---C.S. Lewis

BTW, C. S. Lewis was a British scholar and author who wrote The Chronicles of Narnia. He was also good friends with J.R.R. Tolkien who wrote The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. 

So if there is someone you dislike or hate, you might want to reconsider how you treat them. Oh, BTW, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. That's probably why you see so many stories of people who hate/dislike each other and then come to love/like each other or vice versa. It's often the plot of many Harlequin romances. Guy hates girl or girl hates guy and then eventually they love each other. It's one of the plots in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. 

Here you can watch the film version of Much Ado About Nothing:



"The opposite of love is not hate but indifference." ---Elie Wiesel
Let me complete this post with the quote:

"Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness."
---Oliver Wendell Holmes

Polyamory--another love lifestyle choice?

                Polyamory is defined as a lifestyle of having polyamorous relationships. Such relationships are simultaneous and they may of a sexual, intellectual or emotional nature or a combination of these elements. Those who live so openly and honestly may be experiencing a better alternative to being in relationships which appear to be monogamous but have one or both partners engaging in the dishonest practices of cheating.  Engaging in relationships with multiple partners at the same time may also offer more opportunities for greater self-development. When one receives insightful feedback from multiple sources at the same time, it may be more effective than receiving them from a long-term monogamous relationship alone.

                There are some interesting advantages to this type of lifestyle. From an economic standpoint, people openly engaged in such types of relationships may be more likely to share a variety of resources such as homes, cars, appliances and even finances causing them to enjoy higher standards of living without over-consuming.  Children may benefit from living together with multiple adults who love them and provide care and multiple role-models for them.

I recently had personal communication with D. a young polyamorous woman who lives together with her husband and boyfriend. D. had been dating her boyfriend in high school until they split up when he went away to college. After she married her husband and had a son, she reconnected with the ex-boyfriend (thanks to social media!).  The old relationship redeveloped so that she and her husband moved so they could live with her boyfriend.  Both men love and take care of her son.  My impression is that she seems quite happy in choosing to live in this type of lifestyle and that having an extra “dad” for her son also makes her life easier and more enjoyable. She loves them both equally but in different ways. Her biggest hope is that her husband will also find a regular girlfriend so that there will be “more love and that’s not a bad thing!”

                Polyamory probably isn’t for everyone but it might offer a better alternative than “switching monogamous partners every seven years just because you find someone new and different interesting.” In fact, a man named V. in Francoise Simpere’s book The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory credited this lifestyle choice as improving and saving his marriage. Might polyamory be a good possible alternative to serial monogamy and could it help to prevent the economic and emotional stresses of divorce?

The other side of the coin is that there's not always honesty and respect. I heard the story of one couple who agreed to have an open relationship and the wife started to have a secret affair on the side. The couple ended up having a very bad breakup. Maybe sneaking around, gives some people a thrill that makes outside relationships more exciting? 

For those who want to know more you can check out this Polyamory website.

 REFERENCES

Anapol, Deborah. (2010). Polyamory in the 21^st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners. Lanham, Maryland: The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

Simpere, Francoise.(2011). The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory. New York, NY: Skyhorse Publishing.


Update on this post, February 14, 2019

A truly polyamory relationship, would be one of honesty and respect, wouldn't it? I recently saw a show that seemed to give a good example of such a relationship.

It was in the PBS show Victoria Season Season 3, Episode 5. Victoria and Albert visit Lord Palmerston at his estate in Sligo, Ireland. While visiting there, Victoria has some interesting and revealing conversation with Lady Emily Palmerston. She reveals that they both have lovers outside their marriage. Due to Lord Palmerston's political commitments and her preference to stay at their estate, they have many periods of long separation. But it's also clear that they have a long, committed loving relationship with complete honesty. 
Some quotes from Lady Emily:
"He leaves his boots outside his door." (about her husband's signal to show his availability for other women.)
"There's honey and then there's HONEY." (about her own amorous pleasures)

Messages, messages, every where!

Being a very intuitive person, I am often finding, noticing messages or information in the world around me that is important or relevant for me to know.

Very recently, I had the pleasure of seeing Taproot Theater's production of the musical Jane Eyre.

Lo and behold, there it was again, I'm out in the world, noticing and getting a message. One that I know is very important. I keep getting it again and again. And yet, I've been so resistant to.

I must recommend you to see this musical, if you are looking for a play to see.

Jane Eyre is a musical version of the story and unlike some film versions, it includes Jane as a young girl.  The young Jane has been sent to live in a school for girls where she becomes friends with Helen. When Jane complains about being treated badly, Helen sings a song to her with a very important message:

"Forgiveness is the greatest sword."

(BTW, I've added access to the song at the end of this post so you can listen to it!)

There is it again: Forgiveness and how important it is to engage in it.

Someone once said, "Not forgiving another is like eating poison and expecting them to get sick and die." If I find the exact quote and who wrote it, I will update this post and give the author credit for it.

It's really hard to forgive though when those who have hurt you so much have done so for so long and in so many ways. Ways that they seem to not have the slightest clue about and perhaps don't even care. Even if they apologize it seems insincere and empty and meaningless. Oh-so petty and small in comparison to the pain and largeness of their past and continual injury to you.

There's another way to see it. it's been pointed out to me that how a person treats others is more a reflection on them and their character than on who they have mistreated.

It's important to know when one partakes in forgiving, it doesn't mean it's okay what the other person did. It just means not continuing to hold onto the anger, hurt, bitterness, resentment, thoughts of revenge, etc. towards the party who caused the hurt or injury. It also doesn't mean forgetting. It does also mean stopping the practice of replaying what happened in your mind.

Forgiveness is important to continue to practice. Every day. Not just once a day. Numerous times in the day. Not just with those we know like the lover who broke your heart or the friend who disappointed you or the parent who neglected or abandoned you. But also with strangers. From the person who cut you off in traffic to the neighbor who played their music a little too loud. To the person who cut in front of you in a lineup. To the cop who gave you a ticket. To whoever else did something that annoyed you, inconvenienced you or cost you time, effort or money.

You must forgive! To do any less will only cause you harm. It's a habit that will foster better health, on so many levels: mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.

I really love Louise Hay! She's like a spiritual mother to me because she's really done the work herself and supports others in doing it too! I will add some links and info related t her.

In fact, not forgiving as been linked to many illnesses. I will add some links on this.

So next time you raise your glass (whether it's filled with an alcoholic beverage or not!),

make this toast:

"To Forgiveness!"

Note: This post is still a work-in-progress. Please come back to see what I've added or changed soon!

Okay I must include the actual song from Jane Eyre:

Psychology of Sacred Place

I recently took a Seminar with the Walkers (Jamie & George, daughter & father) called Psychology of Sacred Place.

After taking this seminar, I believe that almost anything or any place can be sacred. It’s amazing how many different things are considered sacred by people. From nature to man-made things to sports to whatever, there is no limit to what people consider sacred.

Mana is a very interesting film about this topic. You can find out more about Mana in this I View Films blogpost.

Sometimes people need to travel to a what they believe to be a Sacred Place. This type of travel has come to be called a pilgrimage. This type of travel seems to have become popular again. Martin Sheen made a film about going on a pilgrimage called The Way. I also wrote a blogpost on The Way.

But as I said earlier, I believe almost any place can be sacred. In my home, I think my guest bathroom or powder room is somewhat sacred.

Here's a little video I made to show it to you.

Here are a few photos of the items that I believe help make it sacred.

Why is a bathroom sacred?

It's a place to:

• get refreshed
• get cleaned up
• contemplate
• reflect
• be inspired (in mine you can also be entertained!)
• take time for one's self
• express or release emotions

Bathrooms/restrooms are places where people often take space to themselves to release or express emotions. I have often witnessed women being sad (in tears!) or angry in public restrooms.

Below are a few photos to show you some of the items in this room.
 

 

 

 

In keeping with the theme of water, most of the above items are somewhat related to water. The top image is a photo of Mono Lake which I think is a very sacred place. There are various pictures and items decorating the room and a small library which includes humorous books by Gary Larson and some inspirational books too. I've included images of some of the inspirational/humorous books that are part of this small library.

I can usually tell when people are being entertained as I can hear them laughing and when they're very quiet, they are being inspired, contemplating or reflecting.

For those who don't know who Gary Larson is check out this video:

Which brings me to the thought that humor and laughter are sacred!


I feel quite blessed  and privileged that I have this little sacred place in my home that leads people to laugh or be inspired.

 

"If I want to be alone, some place I can write, I can read, I can pray, I can cry, I can do whatever I want - I go to the bathroom."--Alicia Keyes quote

 

Communication de Corazon--Communication from the Heart

Sometimes I think we all just overanalyze.
Wouldn't it be great if our hearts could just talk directly to each other?
What would they say?
I love you. I'm sorry. I know I disappointed or hurt you.
I'm sorry. I was wrong. I forgot how much I loved you.
I'm a soul making human mistakes.
Can't we just love each other and get past all the bullshit?

Sometimes I let my head rule over my heart.
But it's because my heart was hurt and my head is just trying to protect my heart.
From more hurt and disappointment.

But as Blaise Pascal once said, "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."

So it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, isn't it?

I once watched this great Spanish language film. In it the hero was playing games with words.
He wrote done 'temo' which means 'I fear.'

Later he changed it by adding the letter 'a' to create the phrase "te amo" which means "I love you."

Fear & Love are both 4-letter words that are both used and abused. As Bishop Gene Robinson said in the documentary Love Free or Die, "The opposite of Love is Fear." BTW, I just reviewed that documentary film in I View Films.

FEAR is also an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.

LOVE could be an acronym for many different things as I found out when I did a search online and found this long list of love acronyms at this link.

BTW, the Spanish film with the word-gameplaying hero is El Secreto en Sus Ojos and you can find out more about this film in my blog I View Films.

Moments of Beauty and Inspiration

Tonight I'm sitting outside in the warm night and I realized that even in difficult times there can be moments of real beauty and inspiration.

As I sit here writing, I hear the sound of singing frogs in the distance. I hear the sound of a river not of water, but of cars. Still beautiful nevertheless. Above me in the clear dark sky I see the shadows of evergreen trees and the silver twinkling of faraway stars.

There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. Enjoying one's company and solitude in the beauty of such moments is a precious gift.


It's clear to me that the rejection by one is not the end of the world because the world is full of people. There is no excuse to be lonely. People put up barricades of judgement, fear and other excuses to keep people at bay.

As Helen Keller once said: "When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

Yes, even in challenging times, there are also true moments of  beauty and of happiness. Being able to share such moments with people who truly want to share with us is a special gift. I feel blessed to count in my life people who truly love and appreciate and want to share moments of happiness with me. Recently a friend of mine shared with me this beautiful view as we took a sunset drive together.

But in this moment as I sit alone writing on my computer, I share my insights and this view with whoever happens to visit my blog in the big, wide wonderful world of the web...

Let's Talk about Sex

Disclaimer: This post is about sex, sex addiction and relationships.
Hey, if you're looking for porn or pornography in this blogpost, you won't find any!
But if you want to read about this very controversial topic, read on...

Sex. What a powerful force it is.
It can create.
It can destroy.
It can free.
It can enslave.
It gives pleasure.
It gives pain.
It's like a glue.
Let me tell you how...
A healthy relationship is enhanced by it.
A bad relationship can be continued because of it.

We've all known someone who's with a person that's not a good person for them but "the sex is oh-so fantastic!" The lure (even addiction because hey, sexual pleasure is, after all, very addicting!) keeps one from seeing the reality of how bad the relationship is in so many other ways.

So, yes, sex is like glue. Isn't it funny how bodily fluids are like glue too! Maybe this is a little TMI!?

If you're looking for real love, jumping into sex quickly is not the best way to do it.

Sex, when it's good, can get and keep you hooked in a relationship that is destructive.

Wondering if a current relationship is good for you? Here's a little experiment that might help you decide. Try spending a good amount of time with that person without sex and see who they are as a person when you're seeing them outside of or beyond a fog of sexual pleasure.

Remember: sex is a form of energy-exchange. That energy might not always positive. Though practicing safe-sex might help protect you from STIs, it won't protect a person from an energy-exchange that is negative or damaging. Nor will it protect you from becoming sexually addicted to a person such that your judgment clouded from how you and your life are being affected your relationship with that person.

ForeverAlone

Appreciate the love you have in your life today.

It can very easily erode to nothing or disappear in the blink of an eye.

Nurture, enjoy, treasure, and be grateful for it while you have it.

Don’t ever take it for granted.

One day, you will grieve for that love you’ve lost.

The truth is that sooner or later, you will be ForeverAlone

Bronze Sculpture titled The Doorway by Ray Jensen

Humble Pie & Pale Blue Dot

I’m eating some “humble pie” in my post today.  There’s a man I’ve known as an acquaintance for a while. Although I was friendly with him, I had made certain assumptions about him because of his cultural background.

Yesterday when I spoke to him, he shared with me how he’s encouraged his wife to go back to school. He had even arranged his work schedule so that he could look after their young daughter while his wife went to her classes.

After he shared that, I realized how wrong my assumptions about him had been.  I told him how great it was that he encouraged and supported his wife in going back to school.  A little later on, I shed a few tears because I felt so ashamed that I had made those very wrong assumptions about him.

  

How many people make assumptions about other people because of their cultural background or what they look like or how they act? If more people took the time to actually recheck their perceptions or the assumptions they made, what a different world we’d live in. Mightn’t it be possible that we’d be kinder to each other? Could it even be possible that instead of being angry or hating or fearing each other, we might even care about each other more and be friends?

Earlier in the day, someone shared this poem with me and it relates directly to what I just wrote. If you don't want to read this poem called Pale Blue Dot by famous astronomer Carl Sagan, you can simply watch this video and hear him say it.

Here's the actual poem if you want to read it:

Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan

“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.” 
― Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space

Call me corny and sentimental if you want to, but I love this poem and it gets me all teary-eyed! It's really great to hear Carl Sagan saying it on the video embedded here. Though he's no longer alive on this planet, his spirit lives on! Enjoy and be inspired!

Fog of Fear & LIght

Way beyond the fog of fear and being right.

Maybe one day, we'll finally see the light.

On that day, our souls will finally meet

To find and know what's truly sweet.

An Artist's Alternative Take on Fairy Tales & The Beauty of Salt

Title illustration for this show








Veronique Le Merre is an artisit whose paintings have a different take on fairy tales. She's originally from France and lives in the U.S. The name of her show is titled "The Little Enchanted World of Fairy Tales" and it's currently at the 110 Gallery near Pioneer Square.

Here are some examples of what's in this show:

• Little Red Riding Hood as a young girl with awakening sexuality. 
• The Beast under the power of the Beauty.
• The Mermaid getting hooked.

I found her paintings very thought-provoking as they give a more adult, alternative interpretation of the stories that many children heard and read as they were growing up. I loved her use of color.

This is definitely a show for grownups, not children. Going to view these paintings with friends would certainly provoke stimulating discussions.

Veronique has her own website. You can also find her on Facebook.

Her show continues until June 2, 2012.

Below are some photos of Veronique Le Merre with her paintings of Mermaid and Little Red Riding Hood.

The Beauty of Salt

I visited Bellevue Arts Museum and saw an amazing artwork in the Making Mends exhibition that really touched me.

This is what I wrote right after I spent some time looking at this artwork by Motoi Yamamoto:

Imagine spending weeks

Creating a work of art 

Using ordinary salt.

Taking something so ordinary

Making something so beautiful

With it.

I'm crying

Tasting the salt

In my tears.

If I cried

Right now

Over these

Amazing 

Mountains and Labyrinths of Salt

My tears would dissolve 

and wash it 

away.

Here's a video I found that shows him creating it.

This exhibition only continues until May 27, 2012.

Running the Books, the Adventures of an Accidental Prison Librarian

Book By Avi Steinberg
 Review by Silvia Wilson

     This memoir of a young man working in the prison library is amusing, touching and compelling. The personal experiences he relates are sometimes frightening, sometimes funny and often thought-provoking.  His interactions with staff and inmates often put him in difficult situations that cause conflict between the rules and his beliefs and values. Some of the interesting cast of characters that the reader will meet include a woman who abandoned her son, a pimp, an aspiring TV chef and a prison archivist.

In prison he witnesses many different forms of creativity. He watches as one female inmate sits as another female inmate does her portrait. It reminds him of the famous portrait-artist Elizabeth Vigee-Lebrun.  Avi also teaches writing classes and relates some of the stories his captive students wrote.

Avi’s experiences take him back in time to when he was fervently religious and wanted to study Hebrew scriptures all the time (this somewhat reminds me of David in Only Human, a film I recently reviewed. Raised in an Orthodox Jewish family, he chose to live more separate from it. At one point he comes to appreciate the sacred more because he’s living apart from the community. He is able to remember and see his own past in a different light.

His interactions with the prisoners teach him to take on different points of view. One prisoner leads him to  compare and finds similarities between gangs and Hassidic Jews.

Overall this book is more than just a memoir. It reminds us of the humanity of people in prison. Like the rest of us, they have their hopes, dreams and disappointments.  And they also want to have fun and find a way to “leave their mark.” At one point he views them as being like children and at other times he learns important lessons from them. Overall he wants to care about them and help them.

I loved this book! If you are interested in books based on real-life experiences, you’ll want to read Running the Books.

Running the Books Cover Illustration by Ben Wiseman

It's been a couple of years since I spoke to a friend who lives back east.

In the last month or two, I was thinking about her a lot. I managed to locate her phone number. I went on Google Call Phone and tried calling her. I reached a voicemail with a message spoken by a woman's voice.  I was pleased because it sounded just like her so it must still be her number.

I left a message. I didn't hear from her.

I called again and reached her voicemail again. I left another message and there was still no return call from her.

Today I called again. The phone was answered by a man. He was her son.

When I asked for his mother, he told me,"I guess you haven't heard the news."

I asked, "What news?"

"She passed away last month," he told me.

I was struck dumb for a moment. Here I had been excited by the possibility that I could reconnect with her. But the reality was that she was no longer alive. The voicemail on her phone still preserved her voice. Hearing her voice on that outgoing message was the closest I got to actually talking to her again.

I was feeling so sad. But I believe that there are reasons for most events and that there are important meaningful messages for me if I watch and listen.

Later on in the day, I saw what seemed like an important message for me.
This is a photo of what I saw.

It made me feel better to find this because it made me feel as if it was a personal message from my friend.

I also experienced feeling gratitude that I could still be in contact with her son. I gave him my contact number and suggested that he use the Google Call Phone service so he could call me for free.

By the way, the image above is actually of a tattoo on someone's arm. This tattoo was done by a Tattoo Artist named Miguel. He told me that women are much stronger because he's noticed that it's usually men who faint when they're getting tattooed. I found an interesting article on tattoos and choosing tattoo quotes or words.

Having contact with my friend's son meant that I hadn't totally lost my connection with her.

Since then I've been calling more friends that I haven't been in contact with lately.

Silvia Suggestion: If you're thinking of someone you care about and it's been a while since you've connected, follow through and make the effort and reach out and let them know that they matter.

Don't be embarrassed because it's been a while. Above all, don't let any more time pass before you contact them. You never know when the last conversation really becomes "The Last Conversation."

Secret of a Real Ladies' Man

I have a very dear friend whose identity I'll keep private.

He has a special way of making the women he encounters in his life feel very special.

What's his secret?

He finds something about a woman that he finds truly interesting or attractive. It could be something abut her physically, her personality, her intelligence or her talents. Then he lets her know about it.

And he lets her know sincerely. There's nothing phony or made-up about his appreciation. He doesn't pay her compliments to charm her or get something for himself. And he truly finds pleasure in appreciating her.
And the woman, whoever she is, feels more attractive and appreciated.

People & Technology

In Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid book titled Cabin Fever, the kid shared his insight that people invented technology so that they wouldn't have to deal with each other. I think it's not just about dealing with each other but dealing with each other---in person.

Okay, I do participate on Facebook and Google Plus. But I really still prefer to actually talk to a person on the phone or in person. For me, a true friend calls me or tries to see me in person, at least occasionally. Just sending me messages on these social media, doesn't make us best friends.

On a recent trip to Vancouver, I had the pleasure of reconnecting with quite a few friends one-on-one. What a pleasure it was! Okay, now I must admit, it was technology that made it possible.

I was able to reconnect with those friends because I could have my own personal mobile phone service. I bought my own from Speakout Wireless service at a Seven-Eleven. For under $50, I had a Simcard with my own number and 100 minutes of time that expired in a year. I simply installed the Simcard into my unlocked phone. Incoming text messages are free but outgoing aren't.  I found that I really needed to watch my talking time because if I talked 2 minutes and a few seconds, I used up 3 minutes.

Here's a photo of the Sim Card.








If you don't have a unlocked phone to use, you can buy a voucher for $100 and a free phone is included. I really like the idea of having an unlocked phone which you can simply reuse for whatever area you're in and you can get a simcard for that area. It's good to get a local number so that everyone in that area only has to make a local call to contact you.

Back to this important fact: technology made it possible for me to get what I really wanted which was one-on-one connection with people I care about. So I'm grateful for the access to this technology.

Thanks to my reconnections with some of those friends and family members, I have been more inspired to be creative with technology ---writing, taking photos and creating different forms of art including little videos. You can see some of these on my other blogs.

New Blog by Silvia

Hi there,

Here's a new blog whose name is a play on my name and an actual word "Silvaculture."

In this blog I'll discuss various cultural topics. This blog is still a work-in-progress. Come back soon to see what I've posted!