Valentine’s Day 2019: A Reflection on Love

Valentine’s Day has become another commercialized holiday. In other words, it provides more opportunities for retailers, restaurants and other businesses to sell more products and services. I'm not saying this is wrong.

Really, it's not all bad. Giving and receiving gifts can be pleasurable activities. According to Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, the giving of gifts is an expression of love. For some people, it's a very important demonstration of their expression of love and of receiving love. But... let me say but...if the gift is something inappropriate or seems to be a demonstration that the giver doesn’t know or appreciate the receiver's likes or interests, it can cause problems.

This romantic holiday may also put the pressure on those who are not quite a couple or those who are splitting up. I remember having a particularly painful Valentine’s Day while my current relationship at that time was literally dissolving. I won’t go into the details but I shed a lot of tears while feeling sad, angry, disappointed, resentful and even a bit jealous. Looking back in retrospect, I’ve come to realize that it was better for me to be out of a relationship where I was not truly loved, appreciated, accepted and was consistently disappointed.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, know that you are loved. Real love is eternal and is ever there even when people can’t be together in this physical reality. If you have a spiritual path or practice, it can become natural for you to know that you are love.

As I know that I am LOVE in the experience of loving and being loved, I am taking better care of myself, have healthy, loving relationships and live a happy life.

Happiness is a choice. It starts with the self desiring happiness and knowing that it is a state of being. It’s not about putting off happiness by saying “I’ll be happy when I have the perfect home, job, partner, body, etc. It's about counting current blessings, that is, being aware of all the Good one already has and then being Grateful for all of it. True happiness is a state of being and a way of life.

I am constantly reminded that: "Happiness is a Choice." I even wear a bracelet with this quote on it!

Some people make a regular practice of journaling or reflecting with this habit.

Here's a little exercise to try....

Right now, as you're reading this, you can try this little exercise below.

Just take a minute or two to reflect on this question:
"What are you grateful for?"

When you have at least three things for which you can be grateful , close you eyes.

Focus on your heart ( you could also put a hand on it), feeling the loving gratitude for the good you already have.

Just sit in that feeling of being in loving gratitude for a couple of minutes.

Now open your eyes. Take a note of how you're feeling.

If you're feeling better about your life or maybe even a bit happy, you might want to do this regularly to support living your happy life!

*BTW, if you have the time, you can think of more than 3 things to be grateful for.

Which brings me back to Valentine’s Day. If you are in a relationship, be grateful for it and appreciate it. If you’re single, appreciate all the past and current relationships you have (even if they’re not romantic). You can also be grateful for the relationships to come! Big love is beyond romance and doesn’t care how attractive you are or aren’t whether it’s in any of these states of being— physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc.

Whoever you are, reading this right now—regardless of who you are, what you’ve done and where you’ve been, know that YOU ARE LOVED!


Here’s a little artwork inspired by this special day of love:

Sociology of Children

Sociology of Children--Final Words on What I Learned

As I write this blogpost, I'm sharing what I learned in an undergrad course called The Sociology of Children.

       First off -what is childhood? The whole idea of childhood has been somewhat romanticized. In the past children were considered little adults. People often had many children and often they didn't live past infancy. Children usually worked or contributed to the household income in some way. The norm in developed countries is that they add to the household expenses and don't contribute to the household income. But if they are creative or in the entertainment industry, they might be earning some income. I recently saw some young kids busking at Seattle's Folklife Festival and they were certainly earning some cash and contributing to their household income.

 Kids busking at Seattle Folklife Festival. Creative kids find a way to generate a bit of cash!

 Kids are everywhere!

Sometimes kids sleep wherever or whenever they can.

      In more recent times, scientific studies have shown that the brain of a child is not like the brain of an adult. In fact, the brain develops and isn't really fully developed until a person is in their 20's. In fact, one of the reasons that babies sleep so much is because their brains are developing a lot. It's also a reason why teens might need more sleep too! Here's a link on brain architecture. I found it interesting that toxic stress affects brain development.


   The last part of the brain that develops is the frontal lobe region where logic, planning and other higher cognitive functions take place. It explains why insurance companies want to charge more for young drivers, especially males (don't want sound sexist but the boys tend to take more risks when driving). I personally know of an 18-year-old boy who recently got a big ticket for speeding and being on his cell-phone.

     According to UNCRC,  which advocates for children' rights, a child is considered someone under the age of 18 but is a young person older than that fully grown? I think it's quite possible that some kids are mature well before being 18 while others take a bit longer.

     The idea that children should have rights is, in my opinion, an important one. Unfortunately, there are many that would disagree. Children can't vote and the can't lobby like corporations or groups with  power and money. That's why it's so important to have groups that advocate for children, at least to ensure that they have adequate nutrition, educations and safety.

     Children are influenced by their parents, peers, teachers, media and many others but they also have influence on others. One of the biggest influences I've heard of are children who decide to go vegetarian and thereby influence the rest of their family to lean that way too in their dietary choices. There are some studies that show that children do influence their family's decision-making. Here's one online.

     I found it particularly interesting to learn what makes kids popular. It's not always being socially competent. Sometimes it's being rebellious or what I call being a "wisenheimer" or "shit-disturber." Those are the kids that challenge authority or cause trouble in class. Or maybe they just behave in a contrary way. It was very helpful to learn that because I've experienced it with some teens I know. Now I realize why they behave that way and I'm less apt to take it personally.

     Kids need to be physically active. Sometimes that includes doing things that are a bit more risky. Being active helps their bodies to develop and get stronger. Too many kids don't get to be active and spend time outdoors. This puts them at risk for having all kinds of health issues as adults.

Kid skateboarding at a skate park.

Childhood can be compared to a Ferris Wheel. It can look all exciting, beautiful and romantic but closer looks show us how complicated and scary it can also be!

Great Wheel of Seattle at Night!

     This course made me realize that my own childhood wasn't the best but an important part of becoming an adult is knowing that parents/caregivers do the best they can. If we want our kids to grow up to be healthy, capable adults, it's very, very important that parents/caregivers have access to the education and resources which will help them be capable in the important job of raising the next generation.

For some kids, childhood can be a lonely time.

As an adult who wants to be healthier in all aspects, I need to be my own best "parent," friend and advocate for myself. After all kids learn best from those who model for them not those who just tell them what to do. Children also learn what they live. I really love this poem called Children Learn What They Live.

One of the issues that came up in our class was the issue of bullying which starts in childhood but continues in adulthood too. Now technology enables people to engage in cyberbullying. Monika Lewinsky gave a Ted Talk about how she was shamed online and what she experienced was a form of cyberbullying.
Here's her video.
As an afterthought, here's a quote I discovered which is related to social media and which I think could stimulate discussion.